Moronic Me

I'm afraid of time

2010-05-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, let this be on the record, I’m frikkin’ afraid of time.

No, this is not because I just watched a certain movie (i.e. Dear John) or because I recently experienced the longest yet the shortest month ever in my life, this, I believe, is more of a general truth: people are afraid of time.

Time always defy our expectations.
Time will always run out.
Even, as Nietzsche said, mighty Will can never will into the past.
And what is the past but the crystallized, immortalized version of time?

I said it, and I’ll say again: I’m afraid of time.

When we want it to be short, it will elongate itself, making it almost feel like infinity. When we want it to be long, the minutes will rush and make you lose its track. Either way, precious time slips away from your hands, and the stronger you try to hold it, the more it drips from your grips.

I see around me and I see growth that ends in decay. I see old pictures, memory-filled books from my old schools. My brother’s receding hairline. My grandmother. My old, pale doctor. I am even struck by the irony when I look at those differential equations. Rate of change, written in delicate mathematical poetry. Change per time.

I said it before, and I’ll say it once more: I’m afraid of time.

I am afraid that I spend too much time sleeping, even though it sure doesn’t feel that way in the morning when I try to get up from bed.

I am afraid that I won’t have enough time to change the world. Wait, cross that out, maybe I’m aiming a little too high. What if I don’t have enough time to change this land? My own environment, my own people, my family?

I am afraid that I can’t spend more time with the people I care for. I’m scared that I can’t be there when they need me. I sang to them that they’ve got a friend, that I’ll come running to see them again, and I’m scared to hell that I won’t make it. Or if I did, I’ll be terribly late.

I am afraid that if I continue this way, time will end up replacing me with someone equal to, or even better than, me. I am afraid that my existence, the happiness and/or sadness I’ve caused will be washed away by time. Those smiles and tears I’ve helped to shed. Because, as they say, time will heal all wounds.

But is a spotless memory better than a scarred one? (Again with the movie reference, but I digress. I’d love to continue, but I’ve got a flight to catch tomorrow so I’d better get some time to sleep. It’s 4.30 AM anyway and the mosques are starting to recite adzan. And it’s a morning flight.)

Adios. I’ll see you soon.

The Simple Rules: Overruled!

2010-03-25T01:32:00.001-07:00

In everybody's life, there has to be at least one moment of epiphany, that precious second when realization hit you, sometimes even slap you, right in the face. Well, mine just punched me with its really mean right hook, and so I'll try to express it here for fear of losing it again.

It all starts with me being naive. I had always been a strong believer, even if I personally don't find it comfortable to attach any labels of faith on me. That's because I still believe in values. Those basic laws that a fair world should operate on. For me, the laws are three simple sentences:
"Don't lie. Don't cheat. Don't steal."

And being the firm believer that I am, I try to live my life according to that rules. And stupidly, I might add, I also try to impose them to every single person I meet on Earth. Or, at least, I measure people using those qualities. And being raised in such an environment that fosters honesty and honorability (yes, I mean my old school -- Al-Azhar), it hasn't been too difficult to give good marks and pass everyone.

That's until I had my eyes opened by this, this funny business that has me going for weeks, especially on this week of the High School National Exam when I'm supposed to be studying.

It's all because I was so naive.

There were no doubling back, no second thoughts about the people that surrounds me. I received them all as good, decent people, thinking they all deserve the respect and love I give them. And then I was cheated.

But a surprise: I don't feel hate, or loath, or any kind of anger towards them. I actually have always suspected, because I understand their fears and insecurities. Who in their right mind would want to stay and just watch as their friends go their separate ways? Especially since those people who were supposed to be our guides didn't do good enough in their jobs. But as much as it's understandable, it's still.. ..unacceptable. No excuse would suffice to explain it.

I know we are not living in a world of black and white. And I know that some of you will smirk and pout and say, "How dare she judge us!" and tell me how I would never understand your reasons because I never had that kind of problem. And I am not trying to judge you, or condemn you to eternal hellish fury or anything. I'm just concerned. I'm not trying to preach.

But I am still a naive person, and I'm hoping that you guys would listen to me, before you sink even deeper into that abyss, your sense of right and wrong inverted and conceited. Some of you are really good people at the core, and I would gladly do anything in my capacity to help you in any way. So let me help you.

But even if you won't listen, I would thank you guys for showing me a glimpse of the real world. Now at least I know what to expect.

And no, I'm not angry. Just a teeny bit disappointed.

John Mayer's New Single

2009-09-28T03:55:00.000-07:00

There it is, the new single from the upcoming album 'Battle Studies' is already confirmed. It's called 'Who Says' and it was supposed to be stream-able from this link but I really can't hear anything from it so I settled with this. Youtube's such a life saver these days.

And if you haven't checked out the vid, be my guest and please take a look at that before you continue. I'm going to rant a little bit and I won't want to spoil it for you.

For those who have, try pressing Ctrl+A. Yes, now.

VOILA!

Here's what comes to mind, hearing 'Who Says' for the first time:
"Is this a joke?"
"The great Mayer almighty's new single? This?"

I've been a Mayer fan ever since.. childhood, probably, due to my brother's influence. My first album to hear was 'Room for Squares' and it still echoes sometime in my head. It has this cool vibe, and great guitar-playing skill, and the lyrics are somewhat thoughtful (his earlier works are sometimes naive, but at least it still feels honest).

They say we don't have to believe something to say it out loud. And I think (oh God, I'm hoping!) that JM didn't really mean what he was talking about.

(Yes, I'm talking about this:
Who says I can’t get stoned?
Call up a girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I can’t get stoned?)

I felt betrayed. I'm really disappointed. This is how it must have felt to find out that the hero you've been idolizing for forever is actually a jerk.

On the bright side, though, the music is actually good. It's not that far from other Mayerish tunes. Even the i-dont-know-what-it's-called,-you-know-that-one-from-'heart-of-life' picking technique is still used.

I just hate that he's gone so lyrically shallow.

(But I probably will still buy the album when it comes out at November, I'll give it a review after I have it in my hands.)

Bye!

quick news!

2009-06-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

(well, it's probably not that new, but anyway...)

Monkey to Millionaire is.. uh.. OK, I guess. After seeing the Rolling Stone's review on Lantai Merah, I figured I'd get it on my next trip to the jungle (read: the mall). Well, to be honest, they had me at 'the next Efek Rumah Kaca'. Being an admirer of Efek Rumah Kaca's lyrics (but not the music, it's way too eerie and spooky to be properly listened to), I figured I'll have nothing to lose, right? And so I did get it last Friday.

And boy, was I not annoyed.

The minute I get into my car, I fumbled with my bag to extract the copy of Lantai Merah I just bought. I was thrilled to see all the red. And so I took the disc. Pushed it in the player. Waited anxiously.

Bit my lips.

Why is it taking so long?

And finally, after almost a minute of waiting, the record started. I was impressed by the opening hook of that first song. Hmm. Nice rhythm section you got there, M2M. And right at that moment, it started skipping.

Damn.

(To be honest: Damn. Damn. Damn.)

I pressed the forward button to go to the next song, and it was as lame as the first. Skipping all the way. Next song. Same. Next song.

It didn't help after I cleaned the disc with some tissue. And so I was frustrated, feeling ripped off. I contemplated about getting back to aksara to get it replaced, but I was already near the vicinity of my house. And so I gritted my teeth and put the unenjoyed CD back into the case, and the case into the red jacket. Oh boy, was I annoyed.

Magically, though, the CD is completely playable in my laptop's CD drive. I wonder if the problem is in my car's player?

(Oh, and about M2M's record... Well, it's OK. Nothing really new.. But some songs are good. I agree with Rolling Stone, the key tracks in the album is 'Replika', 'Merah', and '30 Nanti', at least for me. Especially 'Merah'. And did you know that they recorded at Sinjitos? I often practice there, y'know, with no intention of bragging or anything...)

Anyway, Kirsten Stewart is Joan Jett in the movie The Runaways. Just google her name and Joan's and you'd get heaps of links to pictures of her in her ~~awesome~~ new hair. (And I heard Lohan the fish wanted the role as well? Ah, drama..)

Rock on!

I'm learning haiku, so...

2009-06-13T09:35:00.000-07:00

The thing that hurts the most is

That you don't miss me

As much as you did years past.

Quickie!

2009-05-27T03:36:00.000-07:00

Hello again! I'm back only for a hasty update, so let's get on with it, shall we?

I've been doing my AS Level Exam these weeks, and since I took 4 subjects (Maths and the Natural Sciences), it's bound to be a busy month! (And indeed it has been)

And to tell you the truth, I've got gigantic stacks of paper and books at home waiting to be revised, and sadly there's no time to revise everything, so I kind of depended on this site for decent explanations (esp. in Physics and Chemistry). Check it out! S-cool is cool (well, kind of)!

Aside from revising and revising while listening to old skool Avril on repeat, I'm also busy doing this Science Olympiad thingies. Long story short, I'm currently struggling to get myself into the national competition, 'cause that'd be a very nice addition to my CV, don't you think? Just wish me luck, okay? I'll need a LOT of that.

I heard someone out there gave a fatwa about Facebook being haram? *sighs. I really don't have anything to say except that they don't know what they're doing. Trying to block the tides of modernisation, eh? Good luck doing that.

Talking about modernisation... I think Twitter is overrated.

(Especially after many teenage girls flooded all over the place, and left behind their nasty trash as tweets. Really, if there's a thing I just can't stand, it's ignorance. Another thing I can't stand even more: ignorance masked with a whole lotsa money and a pretty face.)

*a quick review*

FREEZEPOP IS MIND-POPPING. I'll get their latest album asap.

And I've just discovered a new passion. Reading fanfiction.

Byebye!

Night Sky

2009-05-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

I've been looking at the night sky for a while.

I've lost myself in the dark,

and they say the stars were their infallible guides.

But what does it mean when all is black?

I've used my telescope, Jack,

I was so alone so I thought I could use a company.

But it seems that you're not what I lack,

you and the distance between you and me.

I've been laying on my back, imagining constellations,

inventing silly names for those invisible stars,

and how strange,

looking at a face and seeing someone else instead.

(Please, bear with me, for my poem-writing mood is back. Posts will be normal again, but I can't promise you when. Love.)

Frozen Lovers

2009-05-09T19:52:00.000-07:00

(in the Winter of The Heart)

They say we don't have winter here.

Then how come I always freeze,

my feet like frozen roots inside the snow,

whenever you come by?

I felt like I've lost all my leaves.

I thought I was going to die of the cold.

The sub-zero chill eating me from inside.

I wanted to hug you and huddle,

but I couldn't.

We were as miserable as lonely trees,

frozen in place in the field of white.

Your pathetic smile, trying to be brave,

when I know of your pains and heartbreaks.

Tried to hug you, comfort you,

maybe fall in love all over again with you,

but my arms were as stiff as branches.

At night, I tried to stay awake,

Afraid that my dreams will replace you,

and I'll forget how the last spring feels like.

But memories are not enough to thaw my heart,

my broken frozen heart.

... Our broken, futureless hearts.

Mayday, mayday, we're going down

2009-05-06T08:22:00.001-07:00

We've tried everything

To salvage this.

We kept prying,

Looking for loopholes that don't exist.

Searching for a way back in,

But there wasn't one.

We've tried, we've cried.

We were desperate.

Or was it only me?

And so I guess May's the month of nay.

And it's about time to move on.

"The warrior smiles, but he does not try to feel things that he no longer feels"

~Paulo Coelho

There must be more to life than this

2009-04-12T10:28:00.000-07:00

Heeeeeeeeeeelloo guuuuys!!!

It's been sooo long since my last post. At least a month. Missing me already? Ha-ha.

Life has been good to me lately, even though it has kept me busy all these times. But I'm glad I'm busy, or probably I'll bust my head out thinking about stuff that I shouldn't think about. Like the quote that I use as this post's title.

"There must be more to life than this"

More to life than this? What's THIS? Work? Love? Busy-ness? Getting to good schools?

Well, to be honest, I don't know. I don't even know the point of living. As for now, life for me is staying on the track that people before us has laid down for us. As long as we don't go astray, they won't give us any problem. But it doesn't answer the ultimate question:

What are we living for?

God? People? Money? Happiness?

Someone, please, enlighten me.

Java Jazz

2009-03-09T03:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Java Jazz. Yep, the festival that I (and some of my friends) have been waiting for like, months. Or even years. (I wanted to go last year but my pop didn't seem too pleased to let me go on my own. Well, at least this year I've got the permission.).

And I've got to tell you this:
Slank is a legend.

Even though I can't say that I'm a huge fan of them, just seeing them live on stage, performing songs unknown to me but very familiar obviously to hundreds of people around me, is heavenly. Kaka with his bare torso (I never knew he had such six packs!) and amazing stage presence.. Bimbim with his cap.. And yeah, I've got to admit that I didn't know any of the names except those two. Those people are rock stars.

(And the song that says 'entah, aku mau jadi apa... Yang penting masuk surga' is very interesting. Now I'm trying to download some of their stuffs.. No worry, if I really like them I'll buy some of their albums..)

I saw a bit of Lala, and Abdul and The Coffee Theory (laugh-able? Ha!), and Soil and Pimp. Soil and Pimp is also mind-boggling. My brother just explained to me the word 'avant-garde' and I think that's just the right term to describe these Japons. Even though obviously some people find them too complicated to enjoy, but the harmony and the performance is simply wow. And the trumpeteer... I've never seen one play a trumpet like that, making the sounds of the horn of an elephant.. Avant-garde. Of course.

And Maliq. Who doesn't know Maliq? Almost thousands of people watched them last night. Angga and and the rest looking striking like ever, with ties and jackets, while Indah is flaunting her big tummy in a black dress. The performance was ok. Popular songs like 'Untitled' and 'Mata Hati Telinga' were sung together by the audience, making for a great experience. But some of their techniques are getting old. Like that sing-together section, not every song should contain that, right? And the disco drum pattern, it's definitely boring. And I see Jamiroquai-faux everywhere.

It is only when the Organic all-stars came on stage that the real good stuff begins. And there was even some Blur in the performance? LOL. Didn't see that coming.

All in all, yesterday was a big day, at least for me. And even though I got sore feet for standing all day, it was worth the IDR 150K. Yeah.

Will be looking forward to next year's festival!

Out!

An Inevitable Future?

2009-03-03T05:55:00.000-08:00

I was just flipping through my schoolbooks (this week's mid-term tests force me to), reading stuffs without really digesting them, when I came across something in my mind.

What would happen to Facebook, fifty, sixty years from now? What would it look like when the people who were used to be active there, are all dead?

I'm guessing, in addition to friend lists like "Recently Added" and "Recently Updated", there would be a "Recently Dead" list.

Or maybe, a Hall of The Dead, where all profile pages that have been inactive for, say, 3 months (and maybe pronounced dead by friends and family) will be sent to. I don't think it would be ethical for Facebook to erase the pages, yes? So the pages will be there, serving as obituaries, showing photographs from the glorious (or not so much) past.

And their children and grandchildren will be able to see the pages.

Imagine, a kid born in the middle of 21st century, saying "Hey guys (or whatever kids say 50, 60 years from now), I just found my gramp's page on Facebook! And guess what, he was reaaaallly narcissistic. Look, more than 1000 pics!"

Or "My granma! She was such a bitch, look at that pictures with her uncountable boyfriends, kissing and stuffs! And that skirts, eyuuww.."

Maybe they will learn from our mistakes. Or maybe not.

But really, the idea of a virtual graveyard excites me somehow.

(Please forgive me for this grim prediction, maybe I've spent too much time on the site...)

A Hectic Week!

2009-02-16T06:17:00.000-08:00

Halo semuanya..

Walaupun gue juga bingung mau nulis apa pada post kali ini (writer's block nih ceritanya), tapi Sabtu lalu angkatan gue baru aja ngadain acara terseru yang pernah gue datengin. Apa lagi kalo bukan FOLKLORE (singkatan dari Family Gathering of Assembled Kooks with Mutuality of Respect and Integrity kalo gak salah. Beh, gue ngetiknya sampe keriting tuh tangan.)

Dan tidak, acara itu bukan hanya keren karena Aye Annie tampil (hehehe. Tentu aja ini juga salah satu faktornya), no, not at all! Ini keren karena yang jadi panitia anak-anak angkatan gue juga. Yang ngurusin kita-kita juga. Yang ngisi kita-kita juga. Dan pastinya bikin kita semua tambah saling mengenal.

Well, without getting any more lamer than this, let's get a move on...

Tadi sore gue baru baca blog seseorang (no, I'm not gonna say 'a friend', cause I don't even really know the person! Just by reputations.. And NOT some good ones, I'll tell ya), dan gue hampir muntah bacanya. Gue gak akan elaborate lebih lanjut tentang siapa orang ini, namanya siapa dll tapi plis deh, emang masih jaman apa ngomongin orang lewat blog?

Biar lu tau ya, blog itu bukan semacam media chatting kayak MSN, tauk! Semua orang bisa baca, and do you really want everyone to know just how bitchy you are? Hii. Mudah-mudahan pembaca setia gue (if you really exist) gak berpikir kayak gitu tentang blog gue. I'm trying to keep this blog out of my personal matters. Apalagi hal remeh temeh kaya temen yang nyebelin, oh tolong dong.

Besok gue ada ulangan Biologi, tapi gue belum belajar. Dan Mr. H kemarin nawarin sebuah lomba untuk gue ikutin, doain aja ya.. Mudah-mudahan bisa >,<

Dan gue baru-baru ini lagi mikirin tentang kata-kata ini:

"Semakin tinggi ilmu kamu, semakin kamu sadar kalau kamu gak tau apa-apa."

Sepertinya gue pertama kali dengar kalimat itu dari abang gue (I don't remember which one..), dan pertama-tama gue gak ngerti. Huh? Gimana bisa? Kan kita makin tau banyak, masak makin gak tau sih?

But recently, I realized what the words meant.

Misalnya, di musik, gue terkadang merasa udah tau semuanya. Yeah, I know, cocky me. Tapi begitu gue nonton orang-orang kayak Baron atau Adri atau Aa atau Kevin atau Dodol (semuanya drummer yang oke banget, I feel honored to watch you play), gue langsung menciut. Dan mencicit dalam hati (karena kalau ngomong gak berani); "Kapan ya gue bisa gitu?". Atau main gitar kayak Abaw. Beh. Nunus. Nyeh. Atau John Mayer skalian. Graaah..

Yah, all in all, minggu lalu gue sibuk banget. Tapi dengan alasan yang baik. And I thank my band mates (baik Aye Annie ataupun STianing) for an awesome week! It's been a pleasure playing with you all... Untuk STianing, sayang banget kita gak sempet mainin lagu puncaknya.. Kapan lagi nih? :P

99 stupid questions

2009-01-31T00:17:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU:

1. Perfect?
Huh?

2. Tall?
I wish I am

3. In your pajamas?
Well, I slept in this clothes last night.

4. Left handed
Nope.

FAVORITE:

1. Number
One.

2. Color
Red.

3. Food
Carb-rich food, like rice. Especially rice, actually.

4. Place
My bedroom and bathroom.

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:

Q: What was the first thing you did this morning?
Groping for my handphone in the dark, cuz the alarm was so damn noisy.

Q: Do you have anything bothering you now?
My dad. I'm afraid he'll take my copy of Augusten Burrough's 'Possible Side Effect' just because he found it to be gay. Really gay.

Q: What's the last movie you watched in theaters?
I don't keep a note of that.

Q: Where is the last place you went?
Pho 24 in Walter Monginsidi.

Q: Do you smile often?
People tell me I don't, but actually I do.

Q: Do you wish upon stars?
No. But I love the song.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
To some certain people.

Q: Best friend or worst enemy?
Not both. I prefer myself.

Q: Where did you sleep last night?
In my usual bunk. Lame.

Q: Why did you sleep there?
Err.. I don't have any other options?

Q: When was the last time you cried?
Can't remember.

Q: Who was your last thought before going to sleep?
Inara George. Her voice is so shrill, but it sounds good.

MORE QUESTIONS:

010. Hair color?
Coal-black.

011. Long or short?
Short, but actually I dream of going bald.

013. Sweats or Jeans?
Jeans.

014. Phone or Camera?
Camera.

015. Health freak?
Don't think so. Just live for life's sake.

016. Drink or Smoke?
Occasionally.

019. Piercings?
Usual girl stuff..

020. Tattooes?
I'd get laughed at.

021. Righty or lefty?
Righty.

FIRSTS :

023. First piercing?
When I was a small kid, I believe.

024. First best friend?
Bayu from 1st grade of elementary. (Does he still remember me? I wonder..)

025. First award?
Ah, I dunno. Was it the story telling competition in the kindergarten? (Hard to believe, eh.)

026. First love?
Ah. I was wondering when will this question come. A kindergarten friend who used to play near the swings.

027. First pet?
Fishes named Lee Bowyer, Mark Viduka, and Sirius Black.

028. First big vacation?
Can umroh be classified as a vacation?

CURRENTLY :

049. Eating?
Pho from last night.

050. Drinking?
Vietnamese Coffee.

052. I'm about to?
Take a bath and read some stuff.

053. Listening to?
ERK's Kamar Gelap

054. Plans today?
Look for some comfortable shoes.

055. Waiting for?
This test to end.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?

068. Lips or eyes?
I'm a sucker for beautiful eyes.

070. Shorter or taller?
People almost always are taller than me, so....

072. Romantic or spontaneous?
Both?

073. Nice stomach or nice arms?
Nice stomach. Ah now I feel shallow.

074. Sensitive or loud?
Neither?

075. Hook-up or relationship?
It depends..

HAVE YOU EVER :

079. Drank bubbles?
Accidentally, yes.

080. Lost glasses/contacts?
Nope.

81. Ran away from home?
No, but I think a little escape will be nice.

084. Broken someone's heart?
*grins guiltily* I guess so..

085. Been arrested?
LOL.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

090. Miracles?
Sometimes.

091. Love at first sight?
Yes.

093. Santa Claus?
*giggling and remembering 'Side Effects' (Santa Claus is a chinese!)

094. Sex on the FIRST DATE?
This is really getting lame.

095. Kiss on the FIRST DATE?
Well, not yet..

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?
Err. I guess, yes..

098. Are you seriously happy with where you live now?
Yep. School's within walking distance, what else can you ask for?

099. Do you believe in God?
Did you just say God? Well, I don't know what to believe..

Sedang merasa tidak berguna...

2009-01-30T20:38:00.000-08:00

Entah kenapa, hidup ini rasanya kosong baru-baru ini. Hanya sekolah, main, baca, tidur. Kadang-kadang suka malu kalau dibandingkan dengan hidup orang lain yang lebih produktif...

Jadi inget salah satu bait lagunya Scissor Sisters.. (A favorite band, indeed)

"What will one day become of us?

We'll grow as grass under their feet.

Noone here will ever know your name,

and you still lie here next to me.."

Ah jadi ingat (lagi). Dulu waktu SD, gue yakin dengan sepenuh hati bahwa gue adalah orang yang baik hati. Kenapa sekarang gue merasa jahat banget ya?

Kemarin baru selesai baca 'The Picture Of Dorian Gray'-nya Oscar Wilde, dan sekarang kepikiran terus: benarkah dosa dan kejahatan kita akan terukir di muka kita, kelihatan oleh semua orang? Jadi ingin punya portrait seperti itu rasanya. Oh how selfish I am.

Baru-baru ini lagi dengerin ERK dan Keane yang baru ('Kamar Gelap' dan 'Perfect Symmetry', respectively). Dua-duanya terasa begitu berubah dari yang dulu.. Ah, tapi review akan disimpan untuk laman multiply gue.

See ya guys.

Modern Life Dumbs You Down..

2009-01-08T23:31:00.000-08:00

(.. and also me, unfortunately)

I was walking home from school with light drizzle dimming my glasses, and I thought about how much I've changed in the past few years (well, to be honest: in high school). If you are an acquaintance of mine from elementary to junior high, I guess you'd be surprised to see me now. I look nerdier than ever with my oversized metal glasses -- imagine, 80's style -- but still, in the inside, I feel dumb. Dumber than ever, actually.

You can all gawk at me now, and ask me how can I say such things when my grades are never in the danger zone. I know some of you'll smirk when you read this and think, "This ungrateful little girl is ranting once again," or stuff, but hey! I know what happens inside my own head. And this has never happened before.

I can't remember having a real problem with my lessons back in my previous schools. But now it's a little bit different. I'm having trouble concentrating. I've got to struggle to digest a bit of information, however simple it seems to be. And my memory often fails me now. It's as if my head is a heavy unmovable bulk of useless junk, and I hate it.

And not only in school, I now have a problem too with my music! I kind of forget how to accompany vocals using a piano, and I can't seem to rely that much on my supposedly 'musical ears' -- I find it hard to find the suitable chords to some songs, however much I've listened to it repeatedly.

Well, okay, I admit, I haven't practiced music that much recently, or read my textbooks really seriously, but usually I can tackle it down without so much hassle. Maths was never a big trouble for me, neither was Physics. Usually I can understand everything on my first try. And when I can't, now it's killing me.

I'm used to taking things for granted, and I guess my brightness, if I can put it that way, is one of those things that you can't appreciate until it's gone. Now what can I do to get it back?

Or is it just a phase to adulthood that I have to get through?

What A Bad Way...

2009-01-05T01:27:00.000-08:00

.. to start a day/week/semester/even year.

It was Monday morning, the first day of school, and the 2009's new spirit's still going strong. So what was the problem? Or rather, what are the problems? Well, here's the list. (Will all this negativity destroy me at last?)

Holiday has ended. Yes, that positively is a problem.
School now starts at 6.30. Yes, I know, scream and whine and cry with all your might, but now that it's official, my school has no other options but to follow the rules. And the governor, in a Kompas article (Saturday, January 3rd 2008), is quite revolting. According to him, the ones who's against the new rules are the parents whose kids live outside of DKI Jakarta but are enrolled in Jakartan schools. And he say something to the effect of, "Hey, they make up only 5% of the total student in Jakarta, so why should we make them the top priority?". Well, just let me shout back a little to you, mister: "Hey, you don't remember about the teachers, do you, Sir?". Most of the teachers I've known live outside of Jakarta, and most of them have arrived at school earlier than 6.30 to avoid the traffic. Now you expect them to come at 6?
And this is the most annoying part. The first day of school is completely useless! No classes, no lessons, no teachers, there's even no explanation why we're being utterly ignored. Abandoned. This is what I don't like about this school. Very disorganized. God.
(Yeah, you will probably think that at my age, school should suck and I should be happy that today was a free day. Or that in high school, you can't really depend on your school, you're on your own. But this is rather over, don't you think? We come to school at 6.30 and NOT get anything of worth until we got home at 12)
I ate, ate, and ate notoriously much at the 6-day-getaway, and now I struggle to get in my uniform in the morning.

But things are not really bad, either. I attended Ananda Sukarlan's JNYC and was stunned to see how, err, modern his works are now. Choreographed compositions, vocal works with the lyrics of poems. (Walt Whitman's "I Sit And Look Out" is one of them, inspiring Ananda to write a song in frustration when he heard of Bush's re-election some years ago. Check it out. The poem feel fresh and surprisingly relatable.)

Even though I can't really say I understand his works (especially vocal ones), I respect them. Some of them are really Indonesian, and I understand his ambitions of being a composer, not just a performer, but I still want to hear him play one more majestic classical piano concerto. Just one more. Please? I wanna get lost among the notes.

And I haven't written about my trip to Central Java. Well, 'great' is never enough, but I think you'll have to be contented with that, for now. I'll write about it sometime later.

Bye!

Bu Farikhah Masuk Kompas!

2008-12-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

(Sorry, no English today!)

Hai semuanya! Gue rasa udah lama banget ya gue gak bikin post pake bahasa Indonesia? Well, here it is! Enjoy!

Oke, jadi tadi pagi gue bangun, dan entah kenapa gue punya perasaan kalo hari ini akan jadi hari yang buruk. Badan gue pegel, kepala gue pusing, perut gue laper, kacamata gue kotor (?).. Dan tadinya gue rencananya mau pergi, tapi ternyata Pak Shohib belum pulang dari Lampung, karena ibunya baru meninggal. Turut berduka cita, Pak.

Dengan muka lecek baru bangun tidur dengan kacamata nangkring seadanya di atas idung gue (atau pendeknya, kalo kata temen gue, "muka bantal"), gue liat koran langganan bokap gue di atas meja. Entah kenapa, padahal biasanya jarang, gue buka-buka koran dan baca skimming tiap halaman.

And guess what?

TA-DAH!

Guru favorit gue kala SMP dan salah satu guru SMP gue juga (maaf bu, saya lupa nama ibu.. ) ada di salah satu pojok koran kesayangan gue! Barisan paling depan lagi!

Untuk kalian yang gak tau, gue dulu sekolah di SMP Al-Azhar 1. Iya, Alpus yang ada di Sisingamangaraja itu loh. Kenapa? Kok gue gak gaul? Hehehe :D

Dan untuk yang gak tau juga, yang duduk di kiri depan berkerudung putih itu namanya bu Farikhah. Dulu dia guru fisika gue (sekitar 2-3 tahun lalu). And she's one of the reasons why I love science! Sayang banget dulu dia cuma ngajar 1 tahun di kelas gue..

Ah, saya jadi ingin nostalgia..

Jadi inget dulu pernah sibuk ngobrol sama Ayu pas pelajaran Fisika pertama kali, terus dipelototin sama beliau.. Hehehe.. Katanya karena kita kelas aksel, jadi jangan main-main..

Atau waktu dulu gue sering berdebat sama bu Farikhah.. Tentang apa saja saya udah lupa, tapi dulu saya rasanya keras kepala banget ya bu? hehe. Waktu Somas juga, jadi sangat menyenangkan pas jalan-jalan bareng ibu..

Tapi mau tau alasan sebenarnya kenapa bu Farikhah jadi guru favorit gue dulu? (sampai sekarang sebenernya..)

Well, menurut gue, dia disiplin. Dan pintar. Dan selalu tepat waktu. Dan kesan gue dulu waktu diajarin sama beliau, dia gak pelit ilmu. Misalnya gue nanya sesuatu, maka ia akan jawab sebisanya. Dan rasanya, gue udah agak jarang ketemu quality2x kaya gini di guru-guru gue sekarang. Ada sih, memang, tapi jarang..

Untuk bu Farikhah: moga-moga sukses terus ya bu.. Ini cuma postingan salah satu muridmu dulu yang terkesan sama cara ngajar ibu.. Keep teaching and enlightening your students' minds!

Dan ini hasil scan lengkap gue..

My Oh My

2008-12-13T03:09:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone. It has been a little while since my last actual post, eh?

Last Friday I went to Pacific Place (you know, the usual stuff.. The boring one, remember?) and I was mildly surprised when I saw that the place was holding a World Press Photo Exhibition. I've seen some of them before (the microscopic life series), maybe in Nat Geo or somewhere, but here's a photo that really saddened me.

(Let me just put it and the given notes here. I can't really put it in my own words.)

Zsolt Szigetváry, Hungary, MTI.
A couple targeted in anti-gay violence after the Gay Pride parade in July, in Budapest, Hungary, wait for medical help. For the first time in twelve years, the July gay rights parade in Budapest saw attacks on the participants. Many of the incidents involved neo-Nazi groups, and some commentators maintained this was part of an increase of intolerance towards minority groups in Hungary.

Just look at their eyes and see the pain. Just when we all thought we're living in a free society. My heart goes out to you, brothers and sisters.

I've been tagged!

2008-12-07T18:26:00.000-08:00

(tagged by Do2l)

Okay, so it's my turn now, eh? Okay then, as pointless and time-consuming and it seems to be, here they are! (And be prepared for some arrogance, will you?)

10 Random Facts About Me:

I'm actually a perfectionist. I like things to be under my control, and I especially don't like it when stuffs go wrong. I'll think it over and over again, trying to figure out where I went wrong. Well, some people say I'm too nervous and too thinking, but hey, I can't control it anyway! Grh.
I've got a bad fashion sense. And by bad I really mean B-A-D, Bad. You'll rarely see me without my daily attire: t-shirt and jeans. And people tell me you can't go wrong with that? I, somehow, manage to do so. Every day.
People tell me that the best thing I have is that I'm honest and outspoken. But sometimes my speeches are even too straightforward and that, if I don't change (and I don't plan to) I'm bound to hurt people, one way or another.
I smile crooked. (LOLOLOL..)
People have called me a bookworm for all my life. Also nerd, geek, you name it, I've got it. The word 'geek' is actually one of the first words in English that I learned. And given the choice, I'd rather call myself a book snob. I love books. Are further explanations necessary?
I tend to look up to people older than me, and I usually idolize them and make them my role models. From parents to teachers, from actual brothers to made-up ones (!), from actresses to nurses, almost everyone can be one. Some teaches me about academics stuffs, some about music, even some about love, but everyone teaches me about life and how I can make my life better.
But, here's the thing, I am not easily impressed.
And if there's one thing I can't stand, it's ignorance. There's nothing worse than some dimwit ignoramuses gaping at you with mouths wide open.
But then, I always adore people with the determination to change their future. And so, my dream is to make Indonesia a better place by education.
And I don't know why, but I always seem to fall for the wrong ones. This is not only about my love life (indeed it is..), but my mistakes always seem to be silly, if I care to think it over. Well, it's not because of those big rocks you fall, eh? It's the little pebbles that unpredictably make you stumble.

And now I tag...
Fitri! Jeje! Farid! (Eh, have you done this before?)

LOMO oh LOMO

2008-11-17T01:57:00.000-08:00

So, here's the story: last weekend, me and my friends went to a camera store (well, not really. A toy store would fit better). Well, so this shop, it sells LOMO cameras, and one of us bought a Holga. The strangely cute, candy-colored Holga... It was weird. In a good way. And it has this seductive charm that makes me having a hard time making up my mind whether I want it too or I was only "hungry in the eyes", as my father likes to put it.

Well, actually, it was not the first time I encountered a LOMO. You see, a brother of mine, he has one, too (I believe the LC-A, ya bang?). He first introduced to me the concept of LOMO, and I just love the idea. "Don't think, just shoot". And his photos were quite cool, too.

I've always wanted to see the world from different angles. And since I have no intention of learning the "perfect techniques" of photography, a LOMO would do me good, don't you think? And earlier today, I did some researches about the cameras, and I personally hearts the Fisheye. But I'm afraid I'll end up bored with it. And I don't want any Holgas or Dianas, the 120 mms are too fussy to handle. I want some easy stuff..

Yes? Any comments? Advices? Well, I wasn't planning to buy this in a short time. I'd like to think it over, and over, and over.... And I actually need to get hold of this consumptive desire in me...

WRECKED.

2008-11-09T05:00:00.000-08:00

God, how I hate today. My piano exam sucked. The room was so goddamn cold, I can't stop my hands from shivering. And you know how bad your piano playing is when your hands are not steady? IT SUCKS, I tell you.

And I was so much nervous. I guess it didn't help, too. My sight playing and hearing is really bad. And I completely forgot about the bass line I was supposed to play in the improvisation section. (I guess this is the result of being a perfectionist, eh? I'm sure I'll pass, but no doubt I won't get an A. Urgh.)

And now whenever I see the word "bass" or "notes" I feel like killing myself...

@#%^**@!#&^*

Remember, remember, the fifth of November

2008-11-05T03:38:00.000-08:00

OBAMA WINS!!

*rolls, shouts, laughs until I cry.

Well, even though I don't really know Obama (never listened to his campaigns or whatever. I know him mainly from the words of people around me), I believe that he is the hope we're all waiting for. The change everybody craves for. Now let's see how he copes with the expectation...

And my brother's gone to Bali. He reminds me somehow of a kind of birds, always flying everywhere, never knowing home. (Or does he? LOL) Good luck with your life, bro. Do whatever you think is best. Oh, and thank you for the ak.'sa.ra voucher! *grins. Now I can buy that book I've been dying forever....

And the rainy season's here now! It rained hard earlier today, in the morning, and how I love the sounds of water crushing down on the earth. Also the pleasure of walking on wet grounds afterwards. Yeah, right, I'm that kind of hopeless romantics that feels soothed by the falling rain. Nothing's wrong with that, right? Let's just hope that the annual flood won't come this year.

Finished reading Dee's Rectoverso, and I love the story about the back of the chicken, the back of the man, and how unbearable (but strangely beautiful) it is to love someone silently. The kind of stories that makes stalkers human.

This weekend will be a big one. At least for me. The medal-giving ceremony, the piano exam, the textbooks I have to review for the so-called "Coral Reef Competitions" (??), urgh. Okay, take it easy, you'd be able to tackle them all down if you've calmed down. Inhale. Exhale.

Out!

Halloween is yesterday but the spirit's still on..

2008-11-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

Is it true that in the original version of The Little Mermaid (the one by Hans Christian Andersen), there is no happy ending? A friend told me that Ariel, if I remember the girl's name correctly, can't have the prince, because a prince has to marry a royal family member, not lowly born like her. So she has to kill the prince in order to keep her mermaidity--is that a word? But she doesn't have the heart for it, so she turns into sea foam instead.
The same person even told me that in the original version of Snow White, the Queen isn't Snow White's stepmother. She's her real mother! Imagine being Snow White, so flawlessly pretty that your own mother disbanded you. Even tried to kill you. Thrice. *Shudders..

And I thought I knew those stories inside out. That's what Hollywood can do to you, I guess. Tales originally so spooky bent here and there, giving you an illusion of happy-ending everywhere. Turn around, look at things, probably they're not as real as you thought they are.. *Giggles mysteriously.

(Bahasa mode: On)

Ngomong-ngomong misterius ya, katanya di Tardigras (pensinya Tarki), pengunjung diharuskan pake topeng. Jadi semacam masquerade gitu deh. Bayangkan film V for Vendetta dan topeng Guy Fawkesnya.. Bayangkan seisi venue isinya topeng itu.. And 5th of November is coming soon, too.. *Laughs maniacally.

Band competition - delayed until further notice

2008-10-26T01:33:00.000-07:00

What the..?

Okay, so yesterday our school held this band competition, and we were supposed to perform there. Everything was going okay, we had some fun listening to some of the bands (some of the guest stars are really good!), but suddenly heavy rain fell and messed the sound system up. That was exactly before we went up stage. Well, the stage is outdoor, and the panel is wet, so we've been told, and all the crews are terrified that we're gonna be electrocuted if we take the chance of performing, so the event is postponed until further notice.

Well, actually I understand that the student council (the people who arranged the event) couldn't do anything--they couldn't stop the rain, right?--but I'm annoyed. They should've thought of the probability! It's the rainy season anyway, and they should've prepared another venue for us! Maybe an indoor studio, or if it's too much to ask, just a room with a drum set and amplifiers! It's not that hard, is it?

So, yeah, I'm kind of disappointed. Especially if you consider the amount of time we spent practicing. Delayed is bad enough. No more stage is horrific. (The rumour is that we're gonna perform in a studio....)

So, please, OSIS SMAN 78, if you read this one, please, pretty please, try to think twice before you decide to hold an event. And if you're really sure you can do it, you gotta be prepared for every situation. And it was only rain, forgossake! There IS always the chance that rain will fall. You have the newspaper or the TV's weatherman to predict the weather. And rain was supposed to be not that big a problem, if only you have an alternative plan. Think about it. Alternative plan. Okay?

There are still soo much to say about yesterday's event, but it will be very undecent to post in public domain, so yeah. Think about it.

And lately I've been thinking about how internet has made it easy to be a stalker. If, about 10 years ago, to be a stalker is to follow somebody's every step, lurking behind them, and risking to be found out, now only clicking around (and some determination to google up him/her and open every page) is necessary. Especially now there are tons of sites like Friendster, Facebook, or MySpace, where anyone can track down another person's name, email address, actual address, phone number, hobbies, relationship status, tastes in music, books, literally anything about someone! (Well, except if that someone has listed their profile as private, of course, but you get my idea)

And I haven't mentioned blogs, twitter, plurk, or other similar websites. I don't know, but nowadays people have this tendency to post their life on those sites. This will only make stalking easier! Now everybody knows where you're going on Saturday night, what you're eating, who you're going with... *shudders* Sometimes it scares me how technology has made everything easier..

School, at last..

2008-10-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, I'm fed up with my boring holiday. School, here I come! (Well, actually school won't start until Monday, but yeah, I'm already high-spirited)

Today there was supposed to be a kind of halal bihalal at school. But I skipped it (I can't really understand the "basa-basi"--what is that in English?) and went to a studio to have a band practice. And yeah, it was fun! Everybody's keen to learn. Now that's my idea of a good band. Doesn't need to be perfectly skilled, but everyone's gotta be eager. Don't you think so? I'll update as soon as we walked up that stage.

Later I'll have to go to Pacific Place, and even now I feel a little bit reluctant about it. It's not about the piano lesson, but I don't know, I think I don't really belong to that kind of group, where everyone shows off their shopping bags, embossed by names like Louis Vuitton or Ermenegildo Zegna or Armani or anything. It still eludes me as to why Yamaha decides to move the school there.. (>.<) Are they trying to indoctrinate little children (that is their students) into thinking like capitalistic, consumtive slaves? Ah, how the world changes.

I don't really know what else there is to talk about, so I'll leave now. :D watch this space!

Happy birthday to me!!

2008-10-06T03:34:00.000-07:00

Thank you for everybody who wished me a happy birthday! I appreciate that! Even though some people seem to forget it.. (>.<) Don't worry, I forgive you already, brother.

.. But aside from the people congratulating me, it has been a pretty much uneventful day.. Woke up at 10 (but it's still before noon! An achievement!), ate instant noodles that was supposed to taste like curry but actually tasted like rendang (I wonder), played GTA IV (yeah, Niko Bellic is really getting into my head), was scolded by Mum for playing too much, retreated into my bedroom and listened to Arctic Monkeys before I finally drifted into sleep (again).

Well, actually it is this holiday that has been very uneventful. I don't know, but I feel like a lazy bum, all eating and sleeping. I can't even bring myself to stand on the balance now, I guess I'm too afraid to know the truth..

Okay, anyway, I'm 16 now, just one more year until I get my identity card and my driving license and my FREEDOM!! (Err, why do I doubt it somehow..) At least I'll be able to legally enter a nightclub. And purchase cigarettes. And alcoholic drinks. (No, Mom, Dad, just kidding.. ^.^)

And one more week until school starts. Ah, how I can't seem to wait..

"Sometimes you're too much, Dad"

2008-10-01T22:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, indeed.

Earlier today, I was reading the Cartoon History of the Universe on my bed. Then my dad came, saw what I was reading, and went right into a reprimanding speech. A level, he said. Do you think you can make it to top-notch universities if you keep reading comic books?

Then the day before yesterday (err, or was it before that?). It's the end of Ramadhan holiday, and I was playing my brother's PS3. Uh, my parents didn't really approve of him buying that console, but they really can't say anything because he used his own money. But does that justify my mom shouting to me, Dek, I don't like you playing with that. Papa doesn't either. Cut it off now. You have 15 minutes. Or then again, no, you have only 5 minutes left.

And yet another day. I was sleeping. Dad came and woke me up. C'mon, read your A level textbooks. Study.

Erm, mom, dad, I'm sorry, but isn't it my holiday? And don't you think holiday is the time when I decide what I want to do? I'm nearing my 16th birthday, forgossake! I know what want, and I know what I have to do to get it. I just need some time off. Surely some hours spent reading comic books (..and I was reading Cartoon History. Got that? HISTORY, dad. Not some manga or DC/Marvel comics. I wonder what he'd say if I read those comics too..) and some hours playing PS3 don't hurt, right?

I understand your concerns, yeah I do. You want me to succeed, you want me to have a good life, but stop treating me like I'm an infant. (Err, but even when I'm an infant, you don't treat me that way..) Yes, of course you're not wrong to advise, but I don't think I have to spend all day reading my textbooks and revising. I want to learn everything, Dad, not just A Level things. It's such a waste if I only know about maths, physics, biology, and chemistry (:the only A Level subjects taught at my school). How boring. I also want to know about history, philosophy, geography, music, art, everything! And since school offers no class in any of that discipline, I have to research on my own, don't you think?

I don't want to turn into a mere overachieving nerd. I want to have a life too. And my life isn't only getting into good universities, even though that is one of my goals. My life isn't A level. I just want you to know that.

(I don't know if it's a wise decision to post this one in public domain, but I hope you understand, Dad, if you really read this.)

Of creationists and evolutionists and everything in between

2008-09-24T23:32:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about this for quite a long time. You see, I've been reading about the controversies between the creationists and the evolutionists, and I suddenly got an idea. I don't know if it has been proposed before (and I have to say that I don't have the sufficient proofs to back it up, it's just one of my hypotheses, so bear with it. Just tell me your comments. Opinions. Denials. Support. Anything.) but has anybody ever thought of mixing the two theories up?

Yes, you can say I'm probably raving, considering the lack of sleep I have these days, or maybe because of the gigantic amount of time spent in front of my dear old laptop, probably I've caught some kind of radiation poisoning that affects the brain, but seriously, has anybody thought about it?

From the sources I read and heard, I concluded that evolution is essentially the adaptation of a living being to its environment, be it morphologically, physiologically, behaviorally, anything. And creationism is about God literally creating humankind (right? Please, if there really *IS* a biologist reading this, tell me I've got it right. RIGHT?). While creationists claims that human is a special being conceived to rule the Earth (?), evolutionists deny that, saying that human is merely a species among the diversity of the Earth.

I can't say I really agree with both. Evolution, for instance. If we believe in complete Darwinism, then we can trace back mammals--and therefore, human--to a single-celled organism. (Once again, right?) If we suppose that the single-celled organism is the same now and millions of years before this (I mean, structurally, chemically, and everything else that matters), then how do we explain the delicate organ of mammals such as the eyes? Or ears? If we take a look at the tiny bones in the middle ear--the ossicles they're called, if I'm not mistaken--I couldn't understand how such perfectly shaped bones can eventually sprout from a protozoa.

And creationism. I don't know, but if every human being's origin is from Adam and Eve, as every holy book that I've read states, then how do you explain the diversity of the races? Why are there whites, blacks, asian, indians, eskimos (or preferably, inuits) in the world? Did God really create them all?

Well, my (supposedly) genius hypothesis is.. *drumrolls please*:

God maybe created Adam and Eve, and their offsprings undergo some kind of evolution. That answers the question about the ears AND the races, huh?

(Urm, not as genius as you thought it would be, eh? But still.. Nobody has proposed it--none that I knew of.. LOL. Thoughts?)

Sometimes I feel displaced..

2008-09-23T00:03:00.000-07:00

Yes, call me a loner, or a socially retarded, but sometimes I feel better without the company of other people. Is it normal for teenagers to feel that way? Aren't teenagers supposed to run around with their friends, or probably hang out in the malls? Why do I find more fun in reading, in jamming every little bit of information about almost everything I could get my hands on, or in searching the internet for good music from the good old days?

A friend of mine (yeah, I somehow managed to still have a friend despite my lack of social skill, Thank God) even asked me--jokingly, it was supposed to be--uh, when was I actually born?

Well, she was talking about how her father is using Madonna's "Hung Up" for his cellphone's ringtone, and I mentioned some of her older songs, such as "Material Girl" and "Ray of Light", laughed a bit about them, just to find out that my friends had suddenly got silent. They really had no idea about what I was talking about. Suddenly felt alien. Then that question came: "Ann, at what year are you really born, huh? I bet it's the 1958, right?". Then everybody laughed, and I felt a part of them again. (1958 is her father's birthyear, after all.. LOL)

But maybe I have spent too much time researching the music of the past.. (I'm currently listening to the Manics, it all started when I found my brother's Forever Delayed, had a bit of fun with it, so I decided to download--yea, got all my music from the net--the Holy Bible. And realized that it's like nothing I've heard before. So strange. But I'll save my reviews for my multiply page; so check it out!) I don't know why though, I think I just love to know that there are still idealistic people out there trying to make real music, not just a marketable gimmick like the mainstream bands make here in Indonesia (I'm maybe generalizing things here, but you know what I mean).

And books. Oh how I love my books.. I always seem to spend all my money on books, so now I'm trying to limit myself to 1 paperback each month, so I wouldn't be so broke at the end of the month >.< Also the net. My mom's been fussing about how much time I've wasted in front of my laptop. Not wasting, Mom, I'm practicing my writing! LOL

But all that things, does that make me a nerd or something? (A silly question. I know I've been one ever since my elementary school days. And I have no problem of being one. Nerds can be sexy, you know.)

The thing is, I've just watched Smart People. And that movie kind of scares me. An intelligent professor that is so full of himself so he doesn't really see the world around him, and his daughter who put him as a role model, so she really is bound to be like him. Somehow that petrifies me, how much I can identify with them.. (Considering everything I've got through, I've gotta say that social thingies are not really my thing. And I tend to ignore people's feeling until it's too late. So I'm afraid I'll end up like them.)

Well, let's just hope I won't turn into an "arrogant, condescending douchebag" or a "boring, miserable clone". Any comments?

PS: about my ICAS result, it's pretty satisfactory, it seems. (Another proof of my geekiness) Well, I'll be invited to some kind of a ceremony on November 8th, so wish me luck, fellas.

As if last post was not enough..

2008-09-19T15:36:00.000-07:00

I've just learned about that idiotic pornography bill. *scoffs* And I couldn't even suppress my laughter (cynical laughter, that is) when I read the draft. The bill only further establishes my previous post: Ramadhan is really becoming a commodity! Those crappy politicians are trying to buy the muslims' votes, just by saying that "the bill will be a good present for Ramadhan". *snorts*

The content was entirely bullshit. Surely these shallow-minded people have other things to do, right? Just something else, you know, anything better than this. It's as if the most important issue in this godforsaken country is always related to the crotch. Whatever happened to all the corruption? The mud flooding? The farmers deceived by that disastrous rice thingies? Ah. Now even poetry can be classified as pornographic in nature.

And the so-called "deviate fornication". My Gawd! Another discrimination against the LGBT society! Who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and find that a bill against homosexuals is being passed by the DPR. Oh.

(I'll be fleeing this country as soon as possible if that really happens)

Don't you think Ramadhan has become a commodity?

2008-09-15T03:47:00.000-07:00

I'd say yes. Sadly.

Take a look. Television's now filled with people clad in green or white, donning kopiahs or scarves, as if those apparels will make them holy or something. They suddenly talk so religiously, saying salam every now and then, looking so artificial. And the ads, it's like you gotta buy something new for Lebaran. But do you really feel different in the holy day when you wear a brand new baju koko? Or maybe when you have in your pocket the latest cellphone model?

And the radio stations. The so-called religious songs. And it's not like I have a problem with that kind of songs, it's just that they're so poorly made! It's as if you only take some excerpts of a well-known shalawat (that already have a tune of it's own, mind you) and make a really lame melody to sing it with. Or make an absolutely crappy lyrics about a person that wins back his faith. Hey, everybody's done that before. Come up with something original, would you?

It's as if Ramadhan is just another business opportunity, just another chance to slurp down profits shamelessly.

It's the problem with us Indonesian. We care way too much for material things. We're still stuck with the physicality of the holy month, and because of that, we forget the essential thing about Ramadhan: holding back our desire.

But there's something good too. Was very happy when I heard this song on the radio. It proves that not every Indonesian is trapped into thinking that love is everything. Anyone care to tell me who sings this? My standing ovation for you who wrote this line:
"Buka mata hati telinga/Sesungguhnya masih ada yang lebih penting dari sekedar kata cinta"

I'M STUCK IN HARAPAN KITA HOSPITAL!

2008-09-11T00:18:00.000-07:00

Damn.

You see, I came here to get my braces repaired (is that the right word? Never mind.). I had an appointment at 12.30. And now, my computer clock says 2.20 and I haven't even seen my dentist! Oh, God, how much longer am I going to wait?

And after this I'm having a violin lesson and I haven't even practiced. I'd be dead.

And I'm still annoyed by my biology quiz result.

Darn.

Bad day.

The Romance of The Rain

2008-09-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I know my title sucks.)

Gosh, is it raining outside? I was taking a quick shower (yes, a bit after midnight and I was showering) while listening to Alicia Keys' latest album when I heard the sound of water pouring down. I was surprised. I even had to pause the CD player just to hear the sound of rain. I wonder what was the last time I heard that?

It evokes a funny feeling. You know, rain is always associated with sadness, and sadness with love, and love with.. Er.. What the hell.

The funny thing is that, after a breakup I had early this year, I haven't even thought about love. To hell with that. I've turned bitter, that is. Thought I'll never find another love again. And when the rain suddenly comes drizzling down, I feel not so old. Not so boring. Not so loveless anymore.

(Or maybe this is the result of reading Love In The Time Of Cholera? It certainly reminds me of what being a romantic is all about. And deep inside, I know I am one of them. Heartbroken romantics.)

City Tour to Kotatua and Some Other Stories

2008-09-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

I have been sitting in front of the computer all day long. For my biology assignment, for my downloaded songs (yes, I'm still sorry, Goddess of Copyrights), and also for goodreads! You just have to see it! You'll be surprised at how much fun it can be, considering the only action you do is listing books you're interested in. And the layout's amazingly simple. The inventor must be a genius. See me there, will ya?

I found out last week that my brother's going to Cambodia from my driver. Does it strike you funny that I know about this from my driver? When I asked my father (who recently went to Bali to see him), he said yes he is! How come you don't know? Because noone remembers to tell me, discounting Pak Shohib, I thought. Hm. Sometimes living in a family is quite complicated. There's so many things you gotta remember.

And last Sunday I went on a Jakarta City Tour! Yes, indeed. And yes, you can question how I manage to live my entire fifteen year in a city and never go on a tour in it. But at least I did go. Right? And I'm pretty glad I did.

Cause it was, in fact, frightening.

You see, I have always lived in the part of Jakarta considered to be more.. Uh, more.. Fortunate. (Yes, maybe fortunate is the right word if you get the chance to drink a cup of overpriced coffee in an overly gaul cafe playing with overly snobbish people, when someone else have to live their whole lives, befriending the overly disgusting stench of the overly fortunates' shitty waste in the overly polluted city river. If you think about it, the fortunates are a bit mean, don't you think?)

During the tour, we (my parents and I. And some other people too) went to Cilincing first, then to the harbor of Tanjung Priok, stopped at the Sunda Kelapa port, then to the Museum Bahari (= sea museum? Oh crap.) then at last to the Fatahillah Museum.

I was surprised to see Cilincing. And to hear the fact that most of Jakarta's poor people live in North Jakarta. I saw old buildings, most of them have their brickworks exposed, some even tilted to the side, like old men with their wounds and canes, and I can't help but think of an Indonesian phrase, "Bau tanah" (literally: smells of earth. Near demise, that is). But it's not such a big deal if old buildings are waiting to be demolished, is it? That's a part of the cycle, right? True enough. But the buildings are still used. As wartel, as warnet, even as a travel agent?

And there were those not-so-old buildings, which looked somehow similarly pitiable to their older counterparts, in the zinc roofs and corrugated steel doors. They're like the poster child of poverty, as if they're screaming "We're poor!" but noone really hears. They just go around with their business.

And talking about business, what kills me is that, around explicitly poor areas like that, there are many warehouses with sooooo many containers in it. I may be wrong to assume this (correct me if I'm wrong), but if the number of warehouses is proportional to the number of containers, and the number of containers is proportional to the profit of a company, then.. Wait. So that means a company is slurping down a great deal of profit when the people around its warehouses are starving? (A little bit exaggerated here. But you get the idea.)

And the stop at Sunda Kelapa port was, uh, disturbing, to say the least. I got off from the bus, and suddenly an awful stench assaulted my nose. It's something like a mix of salted fish, human waste and rotting trash. (My stinky, days-old dirty socks will smell heavenly if compared to them. :D) There were so much phinisi ships lined up along the port, and when I climbed up the walls separating the oceans to the earth that I stand on, I was, once again, taken aback. There were this almost infinite number of trash floating on the water, thus explains the smell. I begin to ask myself, is this really a place in Jakarta? It sure doesn't have any resemble to my Jakarta, the Jakarta I know. But then again, what do I know about her? Monas? I haven't even mounted her. Not even once.

In Sunda Kelapa, most of the works are done by manpower. And by manpower I mean porters. Bare-chested, sweat-glazed porters carrying cement sacks into a ship. Yes. Men doing all the loading. I suddenly realized how primitive my country looks like. There are machines to do that, for God's sake! Are we too poor to afford them? Or are we actually protecting those porters from unemployment? God.. And you're saying this is the case in the nation's capital?

But this is my people. Love it or not, this is my country. My lovely country that, in the ancient times, attracted so many imperialists from the whole world. And she still does, even though when her face's scarred because of poverty, debts, anything. So many people still wants her. And it's up to us now, the young people, to act and save her. There are so much to learn out there, and maybe when you're finished with your learning you can help this lady out.

I may be one of those city kids playing around with gadgets, but that's just because of a cruel twist of fate life brings. Some are born boys, some girls, some in between. Some rich, some poor, some in the middle. My hope is that my fortune (heck, it's not even mine. It's my parents'!) is not the most interesting part of me. I hope I can still do much for my country.

(Hell, I'm becoming more and more of a nationalist each day)

Maaf ya..

2008-08-31T06:12:00.000-07:00

Oh ya, berhubung besok bulan Ramadhan udah mulai, gw mau minta maaf sama kalian semua, pembaca blog gw yang setia.. (Elah, emang ada ya?)

Gw tau banyak kata-kata gw yang mungkin gak berkenan di hati kalian. Untuk itu gw mohon pintu maaf dibuka selebar-lebarnya. For I am just a mere human being, who of course sometimes (if not always) make mistakes.

Selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa bagi yang menunaikannya, dan bagi yang ngga, selamat ikutan puasa juga ya! Kan restoran tutup semua kalo puasa.. :D Mudah-mudahan bulan puasa ini lebih baik dari yang tahun lalu ya!

(Will make some updates about my life soon, watch this space!)

Torture

2008-08-31T04:37:00.000-07:00

(Okay, so turned out I didn't post an edited version of my Ode To Drowsiness the day after the last post, eh? I'm sorry to keep you waiting, and now, with deep regret, I have to say that I won't be posting it anyway. But as an apology to you, I'd post another one I wrote that day. It's not that good, but I need a place to post this anyway. Enjoy!)

You are the sands slipping through my hands,
Beautiful grains leaving tracks on my tortured mind.

You are the sounds eating out my head,
Leaving me disoriented and gasping for breath.

When weeks come like waves with a rhythm of their own,
Then you are the backbone and the reason to my song.

When everybody thinks I'm too young to be in love,
Then how come I see you once a week and it's still barely enough?

A Beautiful Week (edited)

2008-08-15T05:04:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this week is beautiful indeed..

Let's sum up some of the things, ok?

Watched DiCaprio's "The 11th Hour" last Tuesday. Very moving. It actually made me think of what I want to do with my future, our future, our collective future. (Thought about being a politician so I can make the right decision for this country, but I kind of backed off because the field requires good communication skill, which I obviously lack. At last decided I'd be a scientist, whatever kind, as long as it's scientific. I'd take the risk of being ignored by the government, the way this "global warming" issue is right now.)
Also watched Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth". Should make a 500 word essay about the phenomenon for Joel. I don't know, what's with the teachers and global warming this week?
Listened extensively. (And by this I mean downloaded furiosly from the internet. Not singles, but whole albums. I know, I know, I'm sorry for the sin, Mighty Goddess of Copyright, but I can't afford them! Maybe Bang Alit's spirit --or stinginess?-- is seeping into me..) From Regina Spektor to Interpol to Guns N' Roses. Can't say I enjoy the last one, though. Rock n' roll is not really for me.. And I had to admit Regina is, and will always be, a genius, even though she's really strange. Try listening the track Whisper in the album Soviet Kitsch. And anyway, that's my favorite Regina album!
I lost two kg! And I'm transitioning into a riceless person. Well, not really riceless but less rice, maybe? And I'm planning to be a ovo-lacto-pescetarian. (It's a kind of a seafood-eating vegetarian. And also eggs. And milk. And its products. An.. What? That's not a vegetarian? Ah, well, then let's say I prefer not to eat meat.) Do you know how much food is needed for a pig to produce 1 kg of its flesh? IT'S GODDAMN MUCH, I tell you. I'd rather eat the grains myself... (And produce 1 kg of my flesh... Nggak deh)
I've told my best friend one of my secrets! And it's relieving, you know, pretty much like when you finally release the spinchter muscle of your anus after holding it back for some hours. Okay. Bad analogy. But anyway you get the idea..
I froze my head off yesterday. Lesson to be remembered: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT wash your hair in the morning AND forget to dry it AND go to school, especially if your classroom is air-conditioned. I can guarantee you'd get a bad, bad, bad, bad headache. Mine feels like it's being drowned. Do you know the feeling you get when you accidentally breathe in water? That awful drowsiness in your brain, as if your brain is infused with water? But that turned out to be beautiful after all. I managed to write an inspirational "Ode To Drowsiness" and somehow connect it to my crush. Will post (an edited version of) it tomorrow.

Oh, and did I tell you about my IGCSE result? Won't post it here, it will look as if I'm boasting around.. Let's just say it's pretty satisfactory, eh?

I have to go to Marisa's to work on the bajaj! Will be continued.

Random Blurting

2008-08-04T09:12:00.001-07:00

Is it just me or CSS's Music Is My Hot Sex is a soundalike of The White Stripes' Seven Nation Army? Not the whole song, but the guitar riffs certainly sounds similar...

Tanjung Lesung And Some Stories Behind It

2008-08-03T03:25:00.000-07:00

Mom was really sick. Got DHF. What? Oh well, ok. DHF = Dengue Haemorrhagic Fever. Or in Indonesia is more commonly known as DBD (Demam Berdarah Dengue). The critical time has already passed, though, and now she's probably sitting in a plane to Bali. Ah, how I envy her, she gets to see Bang Alit!

Pop's gone too, and this time to Makassar. He missed the Chinese class (again), and today we had exam. A hard one. Well, not really hard, actually it was my fault that I slept the whole Saturday and forgetting to review the materials. And I brought a copy of the exam paper home, and I haven't decided if I want to give it to Pops.

Well, nothing really funny happened this week, err, OH! Did I told you about the trip to Tanjung Lesung? Not yet? Well, basically it was fun. There is nothing that can go wrong with old-fashioned beach and sun fun, huh? But the disaster's when the sun's down.

So, we went there on Tuesday morning, arrived at the afternoon, went for a swim with friends, shortly we had fun. Then we had dinner.

The dishes were pretty good, even though there were not enough light for us to thoroughly enjoy the grilled "Kue" fish (we were too busy picking out the bones, and imagine how it was, picking out fish bones in inadequate lighting? Thank God there were the grilled squid and everything else which could easily be eaten without such great fuss). There were also the cheap musicians, which consist of a man whose job is pressing a key on the keyboard and getting a full orchestral (but nonetheless cheap) sound in return, and a girl who got so much makeup on her face that I fail to see the real face behind. But they were quite OK, no lyrics forgotten, and if you didn't look at them playing, you can almost enjoy them (even though I prefer the subtle sound of waves crashing to the shore than the artificial sound of a woman singing an unknown Dangdut tune). A friend even said, "This is absolutely the best night for X-Inter!".

Yeah. Correct, because it was the first night the whole class (minus Vero and Cireng) spent together. But it's still very cheesy, for God's sake!

Then came the guides. No. MC's better. They started to tell us what they had in mind for tomorrow (sailing, fishing, taking us to a deserted island who only has an old man as an inhabitant. Yeah. Right..).

And all of a sudden, they wanted us all to stand! What? We were just enjoying to the music here, mate! But they insisted, saying there were games for us to play. We should've known better.

The first game was still OK, we had to stand in a big circle, held hands, and counted from 1. Then there were numbers we weren't supposed to say. Example: if you got the number 13, and the "unlucky number" (that was the term he used) was 3, you had to clap your hands instead of shouting, "Thirteen!". OK, even though some person were really dumb or weren't listening, thus disrupting the entire vibe.

The second game started to feel a little bit uncomfortable. We had to insert a rope into our clothes, pull it out, and the next person does the same, and the person after that, too, and by we I mean like, 15 people on a single rope? A teacher even said, "The inventor of this game is really unthoughtful. What about the girls?". And she got it right. I began to feel annoyed by the MCs. They seemed unable to hold their smile. I wonder what they were smiling at? The exposed bodies of some girls? Blah. Typical blokes.

Then after we're all attached to each other by a rope, we were supposed to "make a star". Duh! Define star, please, Mister MC! Do you want us to position ourselves like pentagrams, the shape that every kid in the world believes to be a star? Or a star like the one in the sky, which actually is round like the sun? Or do you want us to make the word "STAR"? Well, after minutes of chaos trying to "make a star" (the pentagram shape is hard to make, really), my team finally settled with a stupid three-pointed star shape. And lost the game.

I was really pissed off after that stupid game, and I could see some people were, too.

Then came the worst part.

(Sing the following verse with the tone of "Ampar-ampar Pisang". You, non-Indonesians, get lost. I'm not gonna translate this.)

Boys:
"Aku punya pisang,
Pisangku pisang raja,
walau sebiji,
tapi rajanya pisang"

Girls:
"Aku punya kue,
Kuenya kue serabi,
Kalau dicicipi,
Pastinya minta lagi."

Boys : "Aku punya pisang"
Girls: "Aku punya serabi"
Both : "Kalau
begitu, kita sama-sama punya.
Kalau begitu, kita sama-sama nyoba."

What the hell is wrong with these guys?!

They think they're funny, huh? They think it's fun? You're pathetic, MCs. I bet you do this just to pleasure yourselves, seeing kids from the town humiliating themselves by singing such 'subtle' verses? Huh? You think it's fun to "sama-sama nyoba"? HUH?!

But greater than my anger at the frigging MCs is my pity for the girls who sang it anyway, even though they know what they mean. Why are you so ignorant? Don't you feel like being used by the dirty-minded, sexist boys? Why do you let yourselves be degraded? The humiliation is even worse than dressing and dancing like Pussycat Dolls...

Ah, like the famous song by R. Surarjo (Famous? I bet you don't know who this guy is.. I didn't, either. But you GOTTA know "Dari Sabang Sampai Merauke", right?) ,

"ITULAH INDONESIA..."

I'm Afraid...

2008-07-26T00:49:00.000-07:00

...

Of a scale.

Yes, I mean that, the scale that you use to measure your weight (in fact, mass.. it's in kilogram, duh! But for the sake of simplicity, let's just use weight). Yes, that thing that some people loathe because it tells the truth. And yes, I think I've become one of that people, even though that kind of people are exactly the type that I really hate.

The story begins when I went home this afternoon and had lunch. My mom's kind of sick, and she hardly ate her meal. So, long story short, I take spoons and spoons of warm rice into my loving mouth. (In case you're wondering, I'm a great fan of old-fashioned nasi putih, especially when they're still hot. Yum!)

And after I finished my lunch with a perkedel, I went to my mom's room, and I passed a scale. I hop on to it, really optimistic that I hadn't gain any weight. (After all that rice and perkedels and god knows what else you've been eating for these months?? Think again! But I guess that's me, the optimist.. :D)

The second I saw the reading, HORROR.

Shit.

I can't remember the last time I measured my weight, let alone the readings, but I know by intuition that it should't be that high. I got off of the scale, sure that the scale is wrong, and got on again, but with a racing heart now.

Same reading.

Crap.

Have I really grown that heavy? It must be wrong!

Anyway, when I asked my father if the scale's wrong, he just smiled knowingly. I'm sure he knew where I'm getting to. So I told him about the readings. And he said something like this.

"Huh? That's about the same as me!"

AAAAAAAaaaaaaa.......

Btw, my brother got married last week (20th of July 2008). Good luck with your life!

And my other brother's already back in Bali, which leaves me here alone.. Good luck for me too, I guess.

Karena Butet Kita Gila

2008-07-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

Tau Butet kan? Lilyana Natsir? The new Indonesian badminton hero? The new heart-throb of every Indonesian girl? (hehe, hiperbol dikit gak papa kan..)

Pertama kali gw liat dia di TV itu pas final Uber, lawan China. (Agak ketinggalan jaman sih, karena gw waktu itu gak sempet nonton yang sebelumnya.. Hehe harap maklum).

Ketika gw liat tim Uber Indonesia, gw baru sadar, udah selama itu ternyata gw gak memperhatikan dunia perbulutangkisan Indonesia. Udah muncul manusia-manusia konyol macam Greysia Polii yang keliling2x pake bendera sebagai jubah, diam tapi menghanyutkan kayak Firdasari yang entah kenapa tatapannya begitu misterius, cuek tapi lucu kaya Vita Marissa dan (tentunya) Lilyana Natsir........ Oh!

(bengong....)

...

...

...
OKE! cukup berkhayalnya!
(Gak bakal ada abisnya kalo ngayal tentang Butet mah...)

Coba aja cari di FS, berapa banyak orang yang make foto Butet sebagai primary photo? Berapa banyak orang yang namanya jadi ada "Butet-holic" nya di belakang? Berapa banyak comment yang membahas tentang Lilyana dan "pacarnya" yang gak pernah keliatan? Berapa banyak yang (ngakunya) patah hati karenanya?

Jadi pertanyaannya,
"Apa sih yang bikin Butet jadi idola cewek-cewek?"

(Ini dia foto pendosanya.. Thanks to Ejung for providing this.)

Hipotesa pertama:

(Cute, huh? Hipotesa dibawah ini lebih baik dibaca dengan suara anak sekolahan yang histeris kena charm si Butet)

"ABIS DIA GANTENG SIH!"

Hal ini masih merupakan misteri abad ini. Kenapa semakin lama semakin banyak wanita-wanita ganteng yang bermunculan? Bahkan ada teman gw (yang most likely akan baca ini, cepat atau lambat *wink) yang juga memiliki kegantengan yang berlebihan untuk ukuran wanita. Oke, mulai off topic.

Hipotesa kedua:

"DIA JAGO SIH MAIN BULU TANGKISNYA!"

Which is right, to some extent. Udah lama gw gak liat pertandingan seseru Vita-Lily vs Yang Wei-Zhang Jiewen, which is very inspirational. Tidak pernah berhenti berjuang walaupun badan udah mau ancur (kayaknya, sok tau aja gw.)

(Liat aja muka mereka. You're the real heroes, girls.)

Tapi banyak juga kok pemain bulu tangkis yang juga jago tapi gak se hype Lilyana?

Oh, Butet..

Blajar Blajar Blajarrrrrrrrrrgh

2008-06-01T08:28:00.000-07:00

Gw lagi belajar buat OSP Biologi (Olimpiade Sains Propinsi, that is), and I'm fed up!

Bleargh.

Someone wish me luck, karena besok hari penentuan! Hii.. (Yah, paling ngga besok-besok gw akan ada waktu untuk bikin blog lagi, ini aja gw bikinnya sembunyi2x hahaha)

Keep checking this page out, ya, buddies..

Does our memory fail us?

2008-04-20T01:20:00.000-07:00

It's quite funny when you know you did something in the past, but you can't remember a single detail of it.

Mungkin otak punya mekanisme untuk melupakan hal yang unpleasant ya? At least that's what my dad tells me.

Well, it seems like a working hypothesis for me..

Tapi..

Kadang-kadang kalo dipikir, lo itu dilahirkan dari rahim nyokap-nyokap lo. Ya kan? And we don't remember a thing from the womb. A question arise; "Berarti rahim bukan tempat yang menyenangkan dong?" (Dalam hati: iya sih.. Bayangin aja. Udah gelap, sempit, bau lagi.)

Anyway..

Gw baru liat surat-surat cinta gw (bahasa gw gak nahan) yang tak pernah sempat terkirim, apalagi terbaca oleh orang yang dituju, bahkan sampai perasaan itu udah ilang, sehingga akhirnya cuma jadi sampah di kamar gw aja. Setelah gw baca, gw cuma bisa ketawa-ketawa ngakak-ngikik sendiri kaya kuda yang dikelitikin pake kemoceng.

Tadinya gw sempet kepikiran untuk masukin surat-surat itu di blog ini, tapi sepertinya akan menjadi inappropriate (eh bener gak tuh spelling nya..) mengingat ada nama yang dituju. Hahaha. Ntar jadi besar kepala dianya gimana..

Yang jelas, sangat memalukan ketika kata-kata yang dulu gw anggap sangat manis dan lucu dan jujur dari hati (elah kaya lagunya club 80's), sekarang cuma bikin gw mengerutkan dahi entah jijik entah geli..

Dan anehnya, ada kata seperti ini di surat itu:
"Kau akan kuingat, sampai nanti, sampai mati."

...

Ketika baca kalimat itu gw speechless..

Sampai mati? Bahkan sekarangpun dia udah hilang sepenuhnya dari pikiran gw..

Ingatan yang lucu..

"Tertawalah selagi bisa, kawan-kawan"

Di Mimpiku

2008-03-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

di mimpiku,
aku berjalan,
jauh,
melewati jalan buntu,
menembus gunung batu,
tanpa waktu,
tanpa tujuan.

di mimpiku,
aku menemukan,
seutas kabel biru,
keluar dari pergelangan tanganku.
setelah kupotong,
ternyata itu pembuluh darahku.

di mimpiku,
tiada lagi cintamu,
bahkan dirimu.
yang tinggal hanya aku,
dan egoku.
sendiri.

di mimpiku,
aku ketakutan,
aku sendirian,
tanpa suara,
tanpa cahaya.

Jangan Jelek2xin Orang Deh..

2008-03-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

Agak ketinggalan jaman, mungkin, kalau sekarang saya ingin bicara tentang blog ihateindon.blogspot.com. Orang posting terakhirnya aja udah 3 bulan yang lalu. Tapi tetep aja, gw sakit hati bacanya.

First of all, it shows the not-so-mature way of thinking from the author. Banyak cacat yang bisa kita cela dari blog itu. Contohnyaaa??

Dia bilang, kita bangsa rasis. Nah dia apa kurang rasisnya dengan menjelek-jelekkan kita?
Dia kira dia tahu semua bangsa Indonesia dengan melihat para TKI/TKW yang bekerja disana. Padahal masih banyak putra-putri kita yang bisa mengharumkan nama bangsa. (Elah bahasa gw.. hahaha)
Dia bilang, "untuk indon, kasarin itu bertujuan mendidik kalian agar maju seperti Malaysia, sama seperti kita memukul anak-anak kita, iaitu tujuan mendidik". Setau saya, kalo mendidik itu harusnya dengan penuh rasa kasih sayang? Apa iya bisa mendidik kalo jadinya malah memecah belah bangsa yang serumpun?
Tentang kemiskinan, memang iya. Tapi miskin itu bukan suatu hal yang patut dicela, sama dengan kewarganegaraan. Entah berapa kali gw baca kata-kata kayak: "Siapa suruh jadi indon?". Lho? Memang ini pilihan kita?

Masih banyak sebenernya flaws yang bisa kita liat dari blog itu.. Cuma hati saya udah keburu sakit sebelum baca seluruh posting yang ada. ^^

Thanks

Let's Talk About Me!!

2008-03-16T03:57:00.000-07:00

Hehehe. Pada posting kali ini, gw ingin membicarakan tentang diri gw sendiri. (Beginilah anak muda jaman sekarang, karena kurang kerjaan kemudian menulis sebuah blog yang gak akan dibaca jg sama orang lain, mengingat isinya yang gak jelas mau kemana.)

Tapi sudahlah. I made this just to please myself.

Let's start with a name, shall we?

Kata orang, nama itu adalah doa. Dan mengingat nyokap bokap gw 15 taun yang lalu menamakan gw dengan Annisa Dewi Utami Rakun, berarti harapan orang tua gw adalah gw menjadi seorang "Perempuan" cantik yang seanggun "Dewi" dan menjadi yang "Utama" dari sekumpulan "Rakun"? Sepertinya agak jauh dari kenyataan.

Kemudian aktifitas sehari-hari gw. Gw adalah seseorang yang terdaftar sebagai pelajar di kelas X Internasional di SMAN 78 yang ada di bilangan Kemanggisan, Jakarta Barat. Karena rumah gw jg di Kemanggisan, jadi gw tiap pagi berangkat sekolah jalan kaki. Pas ketika bel sekolah berbunyi. Jenius. Bisa dibayangkan betapa kasihannya jantungku menahan semua tekanan batin karena takut telat, karena di 78 murid yang terlambat bahkan hanya 10 menit lebih 1 detik akan dipulangkan tanpa tahu menahu siapa orangtua dan bagaimana absurdnya macet jalanan ibukota.

Like and dislike? I like music, food, books, and fresh conversations. Gw gak tahan dengan situasi yang membosankan, ignorance, dan baju yang kesempitan (yang baru-baru ini frekuensinya bertambah sering.. Entah kenapa?? ;) Mungkin jika dibuat grafik frekuensi, kemiringannya akan mengalahkan kemiringan Mt. Everest!)

Oke, gw mulai berlebihan.

Terimakasih untuk membaca..

Stay connected to see more posts by me.. Soon..!

Aaargh! Mengerikannya!

2008-03-08T01:49:00.000-08:00

Ah,

Betapa menakutkan..

(Bukan, tenang saja. Saya bukan sedang me-review film "Hantu Ambulans" yang baru saja keluar di bioskop Slipi Jaya dekat rumah saya--yang kemungkinan besar sama sekali tidak menakutkan. Menggelikan malah.)

I'm talking about this scary-skinny epidemic (yang benar-benar mengerikan).

Hey! Siapa sih yang pertama kali mengeluarkan pendapat kalau kurus itu bagus? Apalagi kalo untuk mendapatkan kekurusan itu dibutuhkan kerja keras yang akhirnya berujung pada frustrasi trus jadi anoreksia trus bulimia dan semua itu... *Sorry for the stereotyping, it's just what happens.

Tadi barusan gw liat profile friendster seseorang yang terakhir gw liat sekitar 2-3 tahun yang lalu, dan gw terkaget-kaget! Pertama-tama, "Kurus banget sih?". Kedua, "Perasaan dulu cantik deh, sekarang kenapa..?". Setelah beberapa foto, pikiran ketiga muncul, "MENGERIKAN SEKALI ORANG INI!!!".

Pelajaran: Skinniness comes naturally to some people, but it just doesn't look good on some others, apalagi kalo dibarengi dengan bleaching kulit dan pemakaian contact lens berwarna merah menyala. Disangkain albino ntar.

PS: oh ya, gw bikin post ini bukan untuk membela diri gw, mengingat badan gw bukan termasuk (yah, sebenernya sih masih jauh..) dari skinny. Gw yakin masih banyak cara untuk tampil menarik tanpa harus menjadi kurus... Hehehe. Karena itu, nikmatilah makanmu selagi bisa.

Apa Hubungan Antara Paha, Flu, dan Global Warming?

2008-03-05T19:42:00.001-08:00

Sepanjang minggu ini entah kenapa rasanya seakan sayur tanpa garam.. *Alah..

Haha. Tapi beneran! Weekend lalu gw gak bisa jalan kemana-mana, karena gw ada pelantikan futsal di sekolah. Nginep pula. Disuruh jalan jongkok pula. Sampe-sampe 3 hari berikutnya masih terdapat sakit yang cukup menusuk di paha gw. Sampe-sampe naik turun tangga jadi ritual paling menyakitkan tapi harus dijalani..

(Sebenernya gak segitu hebohnya sih, tapi you get my point lah..)

Kemudian wabah flu melanda. Kalo kata orang, emang lagi musimnya. Tapi apakah memang jamannya sampai sekelas kami terjangkit flu semua? Ampun dehh...

Kemaren pagi, pas gw bangun, gw pusing banget. Tadinya mau gak masuk sekolah aja, tapi gak jadi, mau maksain dulu, daripada rugi sehari.. Apalagi tadinya ada pr yang mesti gw kasih ke guru gw..

Kemudian gw merasakan hal yang aneh.

Kenapa semua orang sakit? Temen sebangku gw sakit. Temen di belakang kursi gw muntah-muntah seakan morning sickness (hehe peace ver). Di belakang si morning sickness ada temen gw pilek pula, sampe-sampe dalam satu jam pelajaran bisa-bisa dia keluar lima kali bawa2x tissue sekotak buat buang ingus.

Tiba-tiba jadi kepikiran, untuk bikin tissue itu perlu berapa banyak pohon? Jadi secara tidak langsung, ingus kami ikut berkontribusi mempercepat global warming dong? Duh...

Oh ya, dan kemarin ditemukan suatu penemuan yang cukup mencengangkan (baca: menjijikkan) temen-temen gw di kelas. Jadi ceritanya ada temen gw yang pergi ke WC. Ketika dia balik ke kelas, dia tiba-tiba menyadari ada semacam lelehan cairan entah apa terpampang di pintu kelas X Inter tercinta itu. Butuh kira-kira 5 detik untuknya menyadari kalau itu merupakan ingus. Yuckkkss.....

Hahahaha. Udah dulu deh, gw pusing berat nih..

See ya.